I had another darned work dream last night, or rather early this morning. It had to do with the New York City Schools and the fact that the "old" regime of Carolyn and Ken and Mary had moved on and Greg Fryc was now in charge of the operation in a very well-appointed office. It really was beautiful. I was wondering how he got the Department to spring for all the money it must have cost to renovate his office. Then we were in New York City at the schools visiting the schools on an audit. There had been some bad things going on there but the Catholic schools had gotten things under control somehow. It was a not unpleasant dream. I didn't feel pressured as if I couldn't do my job. I felt comfortable in my job and excited to be working there. I actually did feel excited to be working there most of the time I worked there. I liked it. Not like Doug who hated working there. I feel like I made a contribution to the schools while I was there and did something good. That's how I felt when I woke from my dream, too.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Things I'm Afraid to Blog About
In my other online blog, the question the other day was to list five things you were afraid to blog about. One of those things was my relationship with my daughter. The reason is because I have blogged about it and she saw it and became angry. I shouldn't have blogged about it online where she could see it and I've taken down the blog from Facebook so that she can no longer see my blogs, but the damage has been done. However I am still afraid to blog about this and about my son-in-law on my online blog even though they are too lazy to go look up my blog and see what I'm up to.
My relationship with my daughter is non-existent at this point. She has not spoken to me nor called me nor even really texted me except to have a couple of texting wars since August. She put in a pool at her house and I had to find out about it from my sister who found out through Facebook. She and I have had an email "war" over her loan (Clint has been involved with that too) since their loan is due today and they have still not signed their loan extension. They don't understand why they should have to sign a loan extension. They have only been paying $200 a month but it's my fault because I don't cash the checks fast enough. I told them that $200 wasn't enough because it would take another 5 years for them to pay me back. Clint said they could pay more if I would cash the checks faster. Does that make sense? They have still not responded to my extension of the promissory note. They seem to have blown me off, almost like they want me to take them to court. But I can't because I would lose so much money. They can go on vacation and buy a pool but can't pay me.
I asked her if we could get together every couple of weeks, just her and I, to have brunch and talk. She agreed. We'll have our first brunch in a week from Saturday. I plan to bring up the loan. We have to be able to talk about real things. I don't appear to be a priority in their lives. At least I have been able to see the girls recently. I wanted to see them Saturday to have them help me put Ernie's tag on his collar but they said they couldn't. It would have only taken 5 minutes. It annoys me when that happens.
Clint's birthday is coming up. I suppose that I should ask Sabrina what to get him for his birthday even though I don't want to get him anything. He hates me and I don't care much for him. I don't know him well enough to know what to get him. I really do want to try to get along with them but I don't think they want to get along with me. I think they wish I would go away. Maybe I should when the girls are gone. I don't really feel like I belong anywhere. It's sad.
My relationship with my daughter is non-existent at this point. She has not spoken to me nor called me nor even really texted me except to have a couple of texting wars since August. She put in a pool at her house and I had to find out about it from my sister who found out through Facebook. She and I have had an email "war" over her loan (Clint has been involved with that too) since their loan is due today and they have still not signed their loan extension. They don't understand why they should have to sign a loan extension. They have only been paying $200 a month but it's my fault because I don't cash the checks fast enough. I told them that $200 wasn't enough because it would take another 5 years for them to pay me back. Clint said they could pay more if I would cash the checks faster. Does that make sense? They have still not responded to my extension of the promissory note. They seem to have blown me off, almost like they want me to take them to court. But I can't because I would lose so much money. They can go on vacation and buy a pool but can't pay me.
I asked her if we could get together every couple of weeks, just her and I, to have brunch and talk. She agreed. We'll have our first brunch in a week from Saturday. I plan to bring up the loan. We have to be able to talk about real things. I don't appear to be a priority in their lives. At least I have been able to see the girls recently. I wanted to see them Saturday to have them help me put Ernie's tag on his collar but they said they couldn't. It would have only taken 5 minutes. It annoys me when that happens.
Clint's birthday is coming up. I suppose that I should ask Sabrina what to get him for his birthday even though I don't want to get him anything. He hates me and I don't care much for him. I don't know him well enough to know what to get him. I really do want to try to get along with them but I don't think they want to get along with me. I think they wish I would go away. Maybe I should when the girls are gone. I don't really feel like I belong anywhere. It's sad.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Another Dream and More
I had a strange dream last night. It was about going to shops and one had something to do with sexual things. I was drawn to the sexual shop for some reason but then tried to avoid it. Kathleen from Harcourt was in the dream as was Danielle Tibbits, who were also pulled into this shop. We had to try to avoid these stores when we were doing our business. This is a very ambiguous description but the dream seems to be leaving my memory so it is vague in my recollection.
I would like to invite Sabrina to see "The Help" and go to brunch next weekend. The girls come home on the 18th and I hope that I can go with Sabrina to pick them up. I will ask her if Clint isn't going, if maybe I can go. Then I's like to take the girls to Kohl's over the weekend to buy some school clothes. I hope we can get things back to normal and Sabrina and I can get along better.
I would like to invite Sabrina to see "The Help" and go to brunch next weekend. The girls come home on the 18th and I hope that I can go with Sabrina to pick them up. I will ask her if Clint isn't going, if maybe I can go. Then I's like to take the girls to Kohl's over the weekend to buy some school clothes. I hope we can get things back to normal and Sabrina and I can get along better.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Anxiety-Ridden Sunday
I have a lot of anxiety today. I don't really know why. Maybe because I think Sabrina doesn't want to do things with me. Maybe because I feel very much alone. Maybe because yet another doctors's office has messed up the billing of my health insurance.
I got a lovely thank you note from Joey today that Danielle had made. It was so cute. It makes me homesick for New York. Especially today when I feel all alone.
I have to call one of the parents today (at least one) to try to fit in a visit this week. I'd like to visit before court in case I am asked any questions. I should take a shower and write down my questions for the parents and call them to arrange visits.
I'm worried about paying off the bill at the Chicago School. It was folly to take classes there. For what? To prove I could? I guess that's why I did it. So now at my age I have college loans to pay off. Stupid.
I should go to CVS to get my prescriptions but I don't feel like going out. I think I'll just take a shower and read and work on my CASA case. And try not to think about Sabrina.
I got a lovely thank you note from Joey today that Danielle had made. It was so cute. It makes me homesick for New York. Especially today when I feel all alone.
I have to call one of the parents today (at least one) to try to fit in a visit this week. I'd like to visit before court in case I am asked any questions. I should take a shower and write down my questions for the parents and call them to arrange visits.
I'm worried about paying off the bill at the Chicago School. It was folly to take classes there. For what? To prove I could? I guess that's why I did it. So now at my age I have college loans to pay off. Stupid.
I should go to CVS to get my prescriptions but I don't feel like going out. I think I'll just take a shower and read and work on my CASA case. And try not to think about Sabrina.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Last Night's Dream
Last night's dream combined a lot of situations. First, we had just administered a test to Texas children (TAKS) and there was some alarm that many of the answers came out to be "a." That was because the project directors had not randomized the key until very late in the game. Pat Fitzgerald was upset because our bosses were upset and I had to explain what had happened.
Then we (Pat and I) were traveling over the mountains to the city and stopped at the home of my father's cousin Marie to find she had died. My mother was with us. We left a pie and straightened up a bit as we knew someone would be coming back to the house. We missed the funeral which was held the day after her death. My mother was fretting about something, but I didn't want to hear it. I remember standing on a car and a basket to hang sometime up for work. I also make the remark that we were in the hamlet of Hamlet. The Kreigers lived nearby. Then I awoke.
Then we (Pat and I) were traveling over the mountains to the city and stopped at the home of my father's cousin Marie to find she had died. My mother was with us. We left a pie and straightened up a bit as we knew someone would be coming back to the house. We missed the funeral which was held the day after her death. My mother was fretting about something, but I didn't want to hear it. I remember standing on a car and a basket to hang sometime up for work. I also make the remark that we were in the hamlet of Hamlet. The Kreigers lived nearby. Then I awoke.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Memorial Day Update
It's Memorial Day weekend and I have a terrible sore throat. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to a barbeque at Sabrina's house with the Hahns. It was nice of Sabrina to invite me to the barbeque. I hope I feel okay enough to go. I have to get to the pharmacy sometime today or tomorrow. I need to buy stuff and get my prescriptions but I don't feel like going today because I have a fever and feel yucky. There has not been much to write about on my blog lately. The global warming prompt could be answered in about 3 sentences and my answer was not much longer than that. Maybe I'll take some meds and read my book and rest. Maybe that will help it go away.
Monday I am taking the girls to the movies and shopping. I want them to have nice casual clothes to go to California and on vacation with. So we will go to Kohl's after the movies on Monday. I'm glad I can do that for them. I just pray that I hear from them while they are away. I have a fear that they will forget about me and are happier being with other people than with me. I realize that is a ridiculous fear, but it's still a fear that I have. I try so hard to find things they will like to do. I want them to be happy. I know they'll have a good time this summer but I will miss them so much.
Monday I am taking the girls to the movies and shopping. I want them to have nice casual clothes to go to California and on vacation with. So we will go to Kohl's after the movies on Monday. I'm glad I can do that for them. I just pray that I hear from them while they are away. I have a fear that they will forget about me and are happier being with other people than with me. I realize that is a ridiculous fear, but it's still a fear that I have. I try so hard to find things they will like to do. I want them to be happy. I know they'll have a good time this summer but I will miss them so much.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
An Apology
I decided to try to apologize to Sabrina on my blog to try to make up to her the hurt I caused her by posting things that were unkind. I seems like the right thing to do. Ayesha is also right about being patient with her and kind and gentle. I have a lot to learn about personal relationships. Maybe that's why I have so few. I feel very anxious today and wish I felt more normal. I feel sad because the girls are leaving so soon and I may not even see them next weekend because they are going to the Hahns. I don't begrudge their spending time with the Hahns. At least they are going to church and having fun with Ashley and Candace. But I would like to see them, too. Yesterday was weird. Jackie was sick and didn't talk much and neither did Cassie. I don't know what was wrong. They didn't eat much either. I feel sad and anxious. I hope this doesn't continue all day.
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