Can I Ever Be Normal?

Sometimes, (well, A LOT of times), I wonder if I'll ever be normal or even feel somewhat normal. I did make an attempt, a feeble one, to clean up some of the garbage in my kitchen and on the counter. But it looks like I have not even put a dent in the mess. I took out 4 bags of garbage, but I haven't touched the fridge. The dining table is piled high. That huge box of trash is still precariously perched in my living room, with the printer--unopened still--underneath it. My head scarfs are spread everywhere. I plan to fold them and put them in the plastic bins in the kitchen. Plans, plans, plans! But I just can't seem to DO anything!
So far, what have I done today besides get up and say my prayers? Well, I read and wrote from the Qur'an; and I did do a search (with a little straightening) for the journal with "Nana's Stories." And I was actually successful in finding it. But I haven't turned on the computer today to write more of my book or to do Part 3 of my life (short version) for Palwasha, or to update "Nana's Stories," or to write in my spiritual blog. At first, I really did feel a great accomplishment in finding that journal, and I have to admit that I did write quite a bit last night. I wrote Part 2 for Palwasha, and also wrote for my book, about starting school. So maybe I am being too hard on myself. At least I did SOMETHING. It's more than I've done in a while.
It's just that I HATE this depression. I feel like I have no life. Today, I should go to Qur'an study and to the Saturday evening program, and tomorrow to the Reading Circle. I did read a bit of the book for the Circle; it's good. But my eyes itch, my head (sinuses) varies on pressure every few minutes, it's difficult to focus. I know that's part of my depression--the inability to focus.
I asked the girls to go to dinner tomorrow night. I just got a message. That may be a response.
Please, God, help me to be kind to myself and not so critical. It only seems to make things worse. Sigh.

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