Talked to John

I had my appointment today with John. I gave him the letter that I had written over the weekend. It explained how I felt about the appointment with Sabrina last week. And then we talked.

John apologized for not trying to stop Sabrina's outburst at the session. But he was taken by surprise, and also felt that he needed to see the depth of her feelings. He felt that I needed to see that, too. However, I told him that I already knew about her feelings. I told him that her actions that day were very similar to how she had acted on the day they came home from vacation.

I also told John that I had always felt safe in his office, but that day I did not feel safe. We talked about my history with Sabrina, especially about how she felt when I moved to Texas. When she discussed that with John a few months ago, John said that was the only time that he had seen her "crack." Her anger with me goes quite deep, I guess.

He hasn't decided if we should meet together again just yet. He's going to think about it, and talk to her, and let me know. In the meantime, next week on Monday I will see Dr. Schuenemeyer and then I will see John on Wednesday. Our joint appointment is Monday, Oct. 18. Maybe.

I understand why he let her outburst go on that day. But I can't go through another session like that one. But John thinks that we need to establish times for me to see the girls, and figure out what kind of relationship, if any, Sabrina and I will have.

I received thank-you notes from Sabrina and Clint today. Clint also sent me a check.

I have no idea how things will turn out. But I am so depressed and anxious.

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