My Trip

I am glad that I went to NY, even though I have mixed emotions. It was wonderful being with Pattie. We had great talks. She understands me and the problems with Sabrina. Joanne is so much like my mother--go, go, go. Dragging me all around (except to Marie's; she was more into taking me to see Danielle and the kids, and Katie and her new house. And Pat who really didn't care that I was there. And she HAD to take me to the old house, which is in foreclosure and the owners had put in a ridiculous pool that made the garage unusable. Our life in that house is gone, but still she holds on to it. For me it was depressing. She did put a lot of old photos on disk for me. I brought her pies, which she ignored. But I did get to see and deal with snow -- about 2 inches on Friday. It was pretty. I had a great time at John's. He and Chris and I talked and talked. I understand his frustration with Robbie. He said my book was well written and will probably turn out good. I just know I have to keep it focussed on the spiritual journey. It's hard because I'm doing the blog, too, and they can overlap a lot. He gave me a $5,000 check and one to the ASPCA. The only other response I got was a no from Tom. Even with self -addressed stamped envelope. I just asked for $5 or $10. But I loved being with John and Chris. They get me, and my problems with Sabrina, too.
I am worried about the session with John and Sabrina tomorrow. I am so afraid it will be a set back and she and Clint will take things out on the girls and they will feel I betrayed them. I am so anxious.
My job now is author. I jotted a lot of notes yesterday on the plane. I need to tell my story, even if no one reads it. It's my story.
I just feel jealous of Joanne. Sabrina did bring packages in, so she knows what a mess it is. Still feeling sad and depressed. And so very much alone.