I had a lot of dreams last night but I don't remember most of them. There was one about work. Even though I haven't worked in nearly 6 years, I continue to have dreams about work. I feel rather anxious today. I have a lot to do--bank, P.O., Buddha Box, Sprint, Home Deport, CVS--and Juma', and having a lot to do always makes me nervous. I hate going out but know that I have to. If I go to Juma' then I can do all my errands at one time. Then I don't have to go out but one time. But I could put off the phone until Monday and the P.O., but I have to do the others today, though I could put off CVS, I guess..
I'm glad Brenda isn't coming until tomorrow. I would not have been able to get out to the bank in time last night. But maybe if I go out early to do the errands, They will be mostly done and I won't be so tired doing them all after Juma'. I need to take a shower, I think, and maybe I'll take some klonopin so my anxiety won't be so bad. I don't know why I get so anxious about going out. It's a neurotic thing again, I guess. I haven't done much reading in a while and that bothers me. I have been awfully anxious lately and I don't know why. I see Dr. S in 2 weeks and will have to talk to her about it. I still have suicidal thoughts, but they are not nearly as bad as they were a couple weeks ago, at the New Year.
I wonder if Sabrina will actually come over to help me put the bin together, or it will be like everything else. She says yes but never helps. I think that is the story of my life. The few things I have asked her to do she seems to resent and things don't ever get done. Or she criticizes me for asking her. I should have thought ahead, or known how busy she is. I don't feel that she will be there is I really need her. That makes me very sad. I would have wished that we would be closer but we aren't. We are so different and she intimidates me when she yells (which is a lot). She doesn't call to see how I am. We go for weeks without speaking and we only live 3 miles away from each other. It just makes me so sad and feel like I've done something wrong.
And why should she decide that I wouldn't be able to do the domestic violence assistance that she did at the police stations? That should be my decision, not hers. I know she won't look for the materials; she's probably thrown them out. And there goes another volunteer opportunity, I have a volunteer sheet from the Justice Center that I can send it if I need to.
I wish we could wrap up this application business and start school. It's a little more than a month away. I am really glad that I didn't get caught up in the University of the Rockie. They didn't require much in the way of references or experience or education. They just wanted to enroll you and get the money. There was just something not right about it.
I hope things go well with The Chicago School, which I really want to go to. It was rigorous requirements and I think is the best school. Argosy is my second choice, and then Walden. I guess I could have gone to school here in San Antonio, but it's hard for me to get myself out. And no school offers the Forensic Psychology degree or certificate. Who knows what will come of it, if I will ever use it for pay. I would only work part-time anyway, if I were to work.
Come on, klonopin, do your work so I won't be so anxious.
I'm glad Brenda isn't coming until tomorrow. I would not have been able to get out to the bank in time last night. But maybe if I go out early to do the errands, They will be mostly done and I won't be so tired doing them all after Juma'. I need to take a shower, I think, and maybe I'll take some klonopin so my anxiety won't be so bad. I don't know why I get so anxious about going out. It's a neurotic thing again, I guess. I haven't done much reading in a while and that bothers me. I have been awfully anxious lately and I don't know why. I see Dr. S in 2 weeks and will have to talk to her about it. I still have suicidal thoughts, but they are not nearly as bad as they were a couple weeks ago, at the New Year.
I wonder if Sabrina will actually come over to help me put the bin together, or it will be like everything else. She says yes but never helps. I think that is the story of my life. The few things I have asked her to do she seems to resent and things don't ever get done. Or she criticizes me for asking her. I should have thought ahead, or known how busy she is. I don't feel that she will be there is I really need her. That makes me very sad. I would have wished that we would be closer but we aren't. We are so different and she intimidates me when she yells (which is a lot). She doesn't call to see how I am. We go for weeks without speaking and we only live 3 miles away from each other. It just makes me so sad and feel like I've done something wrong.
And why should she decide that I wouldn't be able to do the domestic violence assistance that she did at the police stations? That should be my decision, not hers. I know she won't look for the materials; she's probably thrown them out. And there goes another volunteer opportunity, I have a volunteer sheet from the Justice Center that I can send it if I need to.
I wish we could wrap up this application business and start school. It's a little more than a month away. I am really glad that I didn't get caught up in the University of the Rockie. They didn't require much in the way of references or experience or education. They just wanted to enroll you and get the money. There was just something not right about it.
I hope things go well with The Chicago School, which I really want to go to. It was rigorous requirements and I think is the best school. Argosy is my second choice, and then Walden. I guess I could have gone to school here in San Antonio, but it's hard for me to get myself out. And no school offers the Forensic Psychology degree or certificate. Who knows what will come of it, if I will ever use it for pay. I would only work part-time anyway, if I were to work.
Come on, klonopin, do your work so I won't be so anxious.
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